Date #5 was last night. Event Guy was scheduled to come over at 7, and for the first time he was early (about 10 minutes, which was fine by me since I’m chronically early). I’d teased him that for all our restaurant dates, I’d picked the restaurant, so he’d promised that this time, he would have a restaurant pre-selected. So when he arrived, he told me that we had 7.30 dinner reservations. For date #2, he’d brought me (in addition to the RCA cable) a single long-stemmed pink rose. This time, he brought 4 long-stemmed red roses…very classy.
Off we went to dinner — at Lucques, a very nice place I’d heard of but never been before. The service was top-notch, which I love. We had a sumptuous meal (for you foodies out there: we shared a bottle of Chatueneuf du Pape; shared an heirloom tomato salad with persian cucumbers, torn croutons and french feta salsa verde [feta on the side, since he’s allergic to dairy]; he had the grilled duck breast with squash blossoms, pistachios, and roasted figs; and I had grilled snapper with brandade [essentially a salt cod mousse], grilled peppers and currant-pinenut agrodolce; we were too full for dessert). The food was excellent. I couldn’t finish mine, so in addition to thanking him for dinner, I also thanked him for lunch the next day. Too bad I couldn’t take home the quarter-glass of wine I had left…
We were the last to leave the restaurant, a little before 10.30. We came back here and chatted for a few minutes. But when I have something on my mind, I’m antsy until I’ve said it, and the moment seemed right for it. So I said to him, “There’s something I want you to know. I think you’re great, I’m really enjoying talking to you and getting to know you and all of that — but I need to tell you that you’re scaring me.” He didn’t flinch, didn’t even blink or swallow, just nodded and gestured for me to continue. I explained that the last time I met someone and things moved fast and affection grew quickly, it ended atrociously and was the most awful thing I’d ever been through. I told him, “I know that you’re not my ex. I totally get that. And I think it’s awesome that you’re not playing games, that you’re not shy about making it clear that you like me. It’s just that I’m gun-shy, and the idea of trusting a guy — any guy — is still a bit terrifying. It’s nothing about you, it’s entirely my issue, I just wanted you to know.”
He said he could understand, and he appreciated my honesty, and he’d been wondering how I felt and was glad to have the answer. He said he didn’t mind taking things slowly, and reiterated that he really appreciated that I was upfront with him. So that went well.
We’ve established a pattern of sending a thank-you-and-goodnight e-mail immediately after each date, so that the person who’s driving home has an e-mail awaiting upon his or her return. So after he left, I wrote him: “Thank you again……for dinner, for lunch tomorrow, for the beautiful roses, and for understanding. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of them.” And he responded with, in part:
It is really my pleasure! Thank you for being honest, communicative, and very cute. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of them…especially the later. [sic] ;) Seriously though, I hope I was clear in my position on things. I like you and I am really enjoying getting to know you and all that goes with it. Time is an easy part as far as I am concerned…
Then he asked when we could get together again, and suggested Saturday since he knew I was busy Thursday and had shul on Friday. So for the two of you out there who tend to worry about such things, I did not scare him off, just so you know.